by Chris Bibby, Psy.D.
It’s safe to say that social media is an integral part of our lives. It can be a way to keep in touch with friends and family who we don’t see often. Whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, TikTok or even a group text, social media is a consistent part of our daily psychological diet.
And it has a reinforcing nature, activating the brain’s reward center by releasing dopamine, a “feel-good chemical” linked to pleasure activities like food, sex and social interaction. And let’s be honest, even when it doesn’t make us feel good, it’s at least distracting, and we do love our distractions!
But there is a down-side. Use of social media networking sites is associated with increased risks of depression, anxiety, disrupted sleep, psychological distress and even physical affects. Just as what we put into our physical bodies impacts our functioning, so too what we ingest through our eyes and ears impacts our mental functioning. And because the mind and body are one machine and highly inter-connected, our psychological diet will impact our physical functioning.
And in spite of the dopamine-benefits being erased and replaced by negative emotions, we keep coming back. Why is that? Think of a slot machine. Because the outcome is unpredictable, we’re more likely to repeat it, in the hopes of ‘This time I’ll hit it! I’ve gotten a positive buzz before, surely I’ll get another.’ People often repeatedly chase unhelpful things out of habit or false hope. It’s called not learning from our mistakes and we all do it.
The good news is – you can do something different! With some intentional shifts, you can learn to create more pleasant, positive emotions in your day. Here are a few starter recommendations that may help you manage social media instead of it managing you:
1. Be mindful of your psychological diet.
Check in with yourself regarding how you feel before and particularly after engaging different types of media (social media, news). Do you typically leave feeling inspired? Hopeful? Envious? Discouraged?
Notice if you typically leave social media with unpleasant emotions. Recognize that repeatedly doing this will eventually drain your emotional ‘bank account’ of emotional-capital.
See if you can find an alternative that you can dip in and out of just as you would social media. Find something that makes you feel good. It might be a short walk. Or texting ‘hello’ to someone you care about. Or reading a short, inspiring passage. Or writing 3 things you’re grateful for? An additional goal is to fill your emotional bank account with something to draw on when you need it (like maybe the rest of your workday).
2. Manage your expectations.
If you choose to use social media, ask yourself what you hope to get from it. Is it a way of watching the lives of others who live far away? Is it learning of invitations to events you may otherwise not know about? Or seeing how those events went? Does it give you something to ask about the next time you meet? Do you hope it’ll help you feel less lonely? To emotionally connect? Develop a deeper relationship? Does it distract you from unpleasant emotions?
Then ask yourself whether these are realistic expectations for social media. That way, when you choose to use it, your expectations will be more in line with what it delivers, reducing the possibility of repeated disappointment.
3. Consider alternatives to get your needs met.
Perhaps you’ve identified a need that isn’t being successfully met by social media. Maybe you thought you would feel more connected to a specific person but find yourself longing for more. Maybe it is indeed distracting from a particular moment but doesn’t move the needle on your loneliness gauge.
If so, consider looking for more effective ways of meeting your need. Maybe it’s making plans with someone. Maybe it’s creating an event that will bring people together. Maybe it’s dipping in and out of a book that you look forward to returning to. Maybe it’s taking time to journal about what you most need emotionally at that moment.
Notice if your emotional state changes for the better. If so, lean into it! If not, keep experimenting to find what best works for you. Emotional health can be complicated but improving it can reap rewards for your mind and body in the short and long term.
